Ethelbert’s Medication Mixup

an itchin’ on my buttocks
wuz startin’ to botherin’ me;
so I commenced to seein’ docters
who might cure my misery.

it wuz the thurd fish-ish-un
who diagnosticated me,
an’ gimme a tube a sumpin’
frum ‘at itchin set me free!

the tube wuz mostly white
with blue letters a some kind
but I shor was stumped at sayin’
the cure for my behind.

around this time my wife
had seen sum wrinkles ’bout her face
that worried her to buyin’
cream them wrinkles would erase.

an’ fancy this my friends,
that tube was white as well
it come with big blue letters
that neither one of us could spell.

whale them tubes sumhow got switched
I won’t mention whoose t’ blame
but my wife got powerful angry
an’ called me more than by my name!

so I made this observashun
tryin to find a savin’ grace,
‘ain’t no wrinkles on my butt, tho;’
‘ain’t no fungus on yer face!’

to this she responded poorly,
‘thar’s a fungus in yer mind!’
‘costly wuz ‘at wrinkle cream
you spread own yer behind!’

‘an’ whut good is skin so polished
if’n it’s own yer scrawny butt?’
‘Ethelbert, you take the cake,
ye ol’ shor ’nuff nutty nut!’

an’ then she looked me over;
she laffed an’ spoke to soothe,
sayin’ ‘what ails us is more’n skin-deep
but… your fanny is awful smooth!’

– Jerry Dan Deutschendorf