Ethelbert’s Advice on Writing Poetry
now I ain’t by no means a poet myself,
an’ I shor ain’t a writer by trade;
but I got a middlin’ tight grip on such thangs
as how a good pome should be made.
an’ right off I’ll tell ye, I do NOT abide
pomes without rhythm or rhyme;
to brand the likes of sech “poetry”,
now that’s a despisable crime.
for the pomes of old was the pomes of gold,
but now-days like trash they been tossed
in favor o’ newfangled free verse an such
that’s worth, in my book, less ‘n dross.
hell, west and crooked the varmints has gone
who has rustled the good ways of yore!
sayin’ that form is out-dated an’ worn,
they commence to write blabber ‘n bore!
an’ they brand such rubbish as poetry?
oh there’s reprobates burnin’ in hell
with a lot better sense than to cause such offense
in corruptin’ a fine art so well!
so yield not unto temptation my son,
an’ know that you cain’t do much worse
than to call such a thang poetry, Lawrd!,
that ain’t even got rhymes in the verse!
– Jerry Dan Deutschendorf